Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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