The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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