I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
