Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
