i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
