I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
