Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
