Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
