i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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