He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
