Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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