If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
