Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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