How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
