and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
