Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
