he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
