So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
