I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
