You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
