dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
