Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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