u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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