Porn is love you can see.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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