I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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