I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
