I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
