hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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