ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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