you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
