There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
