hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?