Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Drake has all the answers