I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
