Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
