I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
