he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
