before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
