you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
