i jhust puked up my retainher.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have post one night stand depression
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