as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
