Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
