Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
