Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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