he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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