Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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