I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
