Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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