I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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