Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
