Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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