Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
