i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
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He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
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This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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