i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
