if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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