He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
