Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I did not marry a roomba.
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