I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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