tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
