Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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