I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
