I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
