apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
