I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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