so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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