please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
