I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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