Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
